I've heard it a thousand times before and so has every other person living with an invisible illness. Many think it's insulting, but I take it as a complement.
Typically when people think of a "sick person", they think of a dull skin tone, dark circles under their eyes, slouching, frowning, no makeup, messy hair, comfy clothes, and a weak voice, right?
Well, that's not always how it goes.
Of course we have days where we sport that look to a T... unfortunately... BUT often times we look pretty normal - even on a really bad day.
For me, it is important to still look like myself even when I'm sick. It's not for vanity. It's not because I'm shallow. It's because I want to hold on to as much of myself as I can.
Sickness tries to take away so much of who you are by painfully limiting you.
When I'm sick, I miss out on so many experiences. I don't get to be the friend/spouse/daughter/teacher/employer I want to be. I am dependent on others to get through the day. I am in pain. I feel terrible. I have to adjust my entire life and schedule around my health. I have very little control.
The little bit of control and normalcy I gain when I am able to look like myself is priceless.
On a sick day, it may take half the day to get through the process of showering, getting dressed, putting on my makeup, and fixing my hair. On a good day, it takes less than an hour.
I have to adapt, simplify my routines, and rest often.
It's worth it though.
I feel better on the inside when the outside is taken care of.
I was told by a teacher in high school that I must not feel that bad since I was able to put on makeup and smile that day. It wasn't said nicely either.
Trust me. There are plenty of times when I cry, frown, and look as mopey as you would imagine. I promise! I've gone weeks at a time looking "sick".
I just try to keep that side from showing too much in front of others.
Maybe that is a bad thing. Maybe not. I prefer it that way, though.
I fear that showing the gloomy side of my life too often may bring others down with me. I often smile and laugh when I talk about my burdens, because I can't stand the thought of my sickness making even one more person feel troubled.
Especially my kiddos at work - they deserve all the smiles!
Besides, when I am actually able to be around others, I am delighted to have that opportunity. It may feel like I am being stabbed by twenty knives from the inside out or like I am about to slowly fall over, but I am beyond thankful for the time I have with them.
Do you love being filled by nourishing conversations, too?
It truly brings me joy, and I have to focus on that part of it.
On the other hand, if I seem uninterested or like I'm trying to run away during a conversation, it is not you! It's ME. (See what I did there? Sorry not sorry.)
Honestly, I most likely just need to rest. Conversations (or just standing upright) can be excruciatingly exhausting at times.
Frequently, people are offended when they are told they don't look sick. I get it. I totally do. Too many times it is said in a judgmental way that implies that the person is faking or exaggerating their sickness.
With so many people lying and exaggerating sickness for their own benefit, having an invisible illness makes you susceptible to not being believed. How does anyone know who to believe?
Hopefully one day the world will evolve. Folks will be more honest, and people will see that you don't have to look a certain way to be unhealthy.
Being told I don't look sick has made me deeply realize the old cliche is true: you never know what someone is going through. We all judge a book by its cover from time to time, but he truth is:
being sick doesn't have a look.
[For those of you fighting]
Next time you're told you don't look sick, say thank you and hold your head high knowing that is one less thing your sickness has taken from you.